If I had a million dollars…I’d buy thighs that don’t rub together.


I’ve had many people ask me what my goal weight is.  To be honest, I don’t have one.  I’ll tell you one reason why.  I’ve met people who are much thinner than me and they are in worse shape than I am.  Like the lady at the store last week discussing that she has never in her life weighed more than 105 pounds.  And then following her statement up with a wretched smoker’s cough.  “105 pounds you say?  That’s freaking awesome.  Oh and would you like me to scrape your lung off the floor?”, is how I wanted to respond.

When I have endless energy, can walk 5 flights of stairs without heaving for air, fit my ass into jeans from college, and be able to wear corduroy pants without worrying about thigh friction starting a fire – then I will have hit my goal weight.  Regardless of what the scale says.  One way to get there is to move. 

Moving to lose weight doesn’t have to always be structured exercise.  It can be shooting hoops in the driveway, working on landscaping, dancing around the house or mimicking the flight of the bumble bee while cleaning my house before company stops over.  I’ve been making it a point to walk every night for at least 30 minutes.  I didn’t today because I spent over 2 hours cleaning out flower beds, running around aimlessly with a wheel barrow (I’m a myriad of indecision with anything home improvement) and lifting garden bags out to the trash hopper. 

My point is that I’m moving.  More and more.  It’s becoming a habit.  I’m actually craving it.  I had plans one night this week and held off on them because I needed to walk first.  Do you have any idea how huge that is?  Two months ago, that would have never happened.  A big difference has been my Fitbit.


My nutritionist, Kerry Kirk @ Meaningful Wellness, introduced me to the Fitbit.  The Fitbit is a little bracelet you wear that tracks your activity.  It’s like having a nagging, Jazzercise instructor on my wrist that constantly chants “you’re not moving enough, work it girl!”  My Fitbit reminds me that I’m in the situation that I’m currently in (chubby and overly dimpled) because of being sedentary.  I’ve programmed my Fitbit to mark my goal as walking 10,000 steps a day.  And it won’t lie to you.  I’ve asked it to.  I threatened to dump it for a Nike counter but no dice.  The Fitbit shall not bear false witness.  The first few days, I was shocked to see that I was only moving around 2,000 steps a day.  Are you freaking serious?  The first time I hit 10,000 steps, my Fitbit sent me a nice little email congratulating me for making my goal.  I felt amazing.  I kind of broke into a dance.  I like to think of it as the scene from Flashdance, you know, the one where she dances to “She’s a Maniac”, yeah that’s the one. 

Let’s be clear.  Moving more, walking more, being active is not just to lose weight.  It’s a permanent lifestyle change.  I have to do this forever.  I know I’ll still have those days where I’ve eaten too much chocolate or generally hate life (PMS anyone) and plain just don’t want to move my rear off the couch – and that’s ok.  It will happen.  But those days will be the exception, not the rule.  Here’s to happy dances and thighs that don’t rub together. 



Vegetables are my friend…or so I’m told

I get vegetables.  I do.  They are vital to my existence.  I have to eat them if I want to be healthy.  And there are vegetables that I like. And there are vegetables that I don’t like.  Cactus, anyone?  Here’s the catch: as a female adult (physically, not mentally) the government, health officiandos, annoying people who love every vegetable known to man and my doctor say that I should be eating 5 cups of vegetables.  Every day.

Challenge accepted.  I started eating vegetables.  No, I started devouring vegetables.  Any idea what happens to a person that has steadily maintained a fatty diet for several years who up and switches to an abundance of vegetables?  No?  Let me tell you.  Gas.  And I don’t mean “oooh, did that little squeaker just come from me?”  Oh no, I mean “did anyone hear a sonic boom or did I eat too much broccoli again?”

This gas is painful, loud and angry.  It wants to be heard.  My body wants everyone to know that I ate cabbage again.  I like to envision that this is happening inside of me:

Kidneys:  Ewww, what are you?

Spinach:  Well hello there sweet thang.  My name is Spinach.  After ignoring me for years, this dumbass has finally realized that she needs me.  So I am here to rock your world kidneys.  (Did I mention spinach talks like Barry White?)

Kidneys:  Yeah, we are heavily involved in a relationship with MSG and whatever the hell McDonald’s puts into quarter pounders this week, so, um, not interested.

Spinach:  Oh but baby, you’re already pumping me right through you.  The second I hit her body, my vitamins were pumping all throughout your bloody goodness.  Hey, what’s that growling?

Kidneys:  Oh (slightly bashful and embarrassed) that’s my cousin Colon.  He must not be used to that sudden influx of vitamins and I guess he’s experiencing some kind of orgasmic sensation and moaning loudly as he breaks you down and assists in digesting you.

And this is when I beg for somewhere to hide.  The gas in my stomach is rumbling so loud, it actually sounds like I have just let one fly.  So I asked my doctor what’s going on!  Why do I have to walk around cheeks clenched, afraid to move wrong because I might blow over the person standing next to me.  He said that the body is just adjusting and that it would get better but that I’m doing everything right.  Of course, just as he said that, it sounded like a fleet of jets flying overhead but it was just my stomach again.  So I am learning to take it slow.  That and no sudden movements.

And I shall not be deterred!  I’d like to share a recipe with you courtesy of Detoxinista.com (I love this woman!).  It’s a simple smoothie.  One that I cannot get enough of.  It’s a great way to sneak greens into your daily diet without being bonzai’d by the fact that you’re eating healthy.  It doesn’t get any easier than this smoothie either!  The best part?  No gas!

Classic Green Smoothie
serves 1


2-3 large handfuls of fresh spinach
1 cup almond milk, or water
1/2 cup frozen berries
1-2 bananas (frozen or fresh)
juice of 1/2 lemon
dash of cinnamon

(Recipe is property of Detoxinista.com)

I like to ride my bicycle, I like to ride my bike!


Today I bought a bicycle.  It has been years since I’ve ridden a bicycle and let me tell you…whomever said “oh it’s just like riding a bike, you never forget” was totally full of crap.  I was a complete misfit of coordination in my driveway trying to ride this thing.  I was taken back to being 5 years old with my grandpa wondering if they’d ever be able to get the training wheels off my first bike. 

With the nice weather after a vengeful winter, I’ve been dying to get outside and be active.  I’ve been walking but let’s be realistic, I don’t move the fastest and after 25 minutes of heart pounding walking, I’ve made it about 2 miles.  I need something where I cover more ground and actually have a reason to be exhausted. 

My doctor suggested the bike.  Let me tell you about my doctor.  I have a great doctor.  I love my doctor.  He’s not much older than me and he is a regular joe that understands we all have a life beyond being fit and healthy but you know what?  So does he and he’s still fit and healthy.  He’s also very realistic.  He sat me down one day and said “Heather, I know you haven’t been active, but we’re going to get you active.  I want you to close your eyes and think back to your childhood and focus on all the activities you did as a kid.  What was the one thing you’d do that you couldn’t wait to wake up and do the next morning?”  “Easy”, I responded.  “Ride my bicycle!”  So, a year later (I’m slow) I’ve finally purchased a bicycle.  And even though I’m too uncoordinated to ride it, I WILL RIDE THAT BICYCLE!  I will ride it near.  I will ride it far.  I will even ride it by a car.  (I’ve always been fond of Dr. Seuss.) 

I’m not looking to become Lance Armstrong (I gave up juicing after the Yankees cut me) but I’m looking to do more than what I do now for activities.  Until unlimited nacho eating has been recognized as a fitness activity, I’m going to have to get moving.  I’m actually looking forward to it.  I’m looking forward to being accountable and making my Fitbit go crazy (holla Fitbit!). 

Tomorrow’s mission:  to find a helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and a mattress for the end of my driveway.  Oh yeah, and where did I put those damn training wheels. 


Salad Shooter…How 80s of me!


I received my Salad Shooter today!  Why a Salad Shooter you ask?  Let me explain…I am a klutz.  A total and complete klutz.  Here’s a prime example:  when I was a young child, I was riding my bike home from school, racing traffic and not paying attention to the fact that I was carrying my umbrella downward when my umbrella decided to make a lunge for my tire spokes.  Yep, head over feet (cue Alanis Morisette) I flew down the sidewalk and ended up in an upright position with my t-shirt over my head.  I have no shortage of klutz stories so many more will follow. 

If I can be this damaging with an umbrella, imagine me in the kitchen with a sharp knife.  I tried going the mandolin route but I ended up slicing off the side of my finger.  An ER trip and a tetanus shot later, I finally clotted but you see where I’m going with this. 

The Salad Shooter is highly rated on Amazon with thousands swearing by this $28 miracle in a box.  It comes with two fixtures, a shredder/grater or a slicer.  Screw the fixture one, throw your veggies in the hole at the top, plug it in and sliced veggies minus puncture wounds later…voila, I have salad toppings, sliced veggies, shredded carrots, you name it. 

I should also mention that I am a power tool junkie.  I am the Tim Taylor of our home.  I’m still working on the grunt, but I have the love of tearing up my house, injuring myself in the process and paying someone to fix my mess down to a science. 


The Salad Shooter slices my veggies and is an electrical, handheld plastic encased kick ass piece of power.  Now excuse me while I get out my knife to cut up some lettuce:)


Starting over

Today I decided to get serious about this weight loss.  I’ve talked about doing this for years.  I lose weight and then I gain weight.  Call it what you want…yo yo dieting, the dieting cycle, ups and downs, whatever it is, it isn’t working.  So once again I say:  it’s time to get serious.  I’ve been reading some really great blogs and one thing that is the common factor is when you start on a journey, you will succeed and you will fail.  I know that not everyday will I do great.  Not everyday will I fail.  Some days will be better than others. 

Losing weight is hard.  If it were easy, there’d be no fat people. 

Today, as I put on the only outfit in my closet that doesn’t stretch to maximum capacity, I kept chanting over and over to myself “food is medicine.”  This is a powerful statement that I stumbled upon this weekend.  It makes sense.  God and nature have given us carrots from the ground, apples from the tree and many more good and nutritious foods.  Lay’s potato chips have given me Doritos.  Doritos that are cultivated in a lab, dipped in grease and MSG. 

I made sure to eat a healthy breakfast, I ate a healthy lunch and I exercised on lunch.  It was only for 15 minutes but I did it!  I felt like a She-Ra of a beast too.  It was incredible how alert and awake I felt the rest of the afternoon.  I look forward to doing this for the next few days to record any positive feelings that I encounter with working out on lunch.  I can’t wait to share them!