Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt

Time to dish out the honesty that my blog is becoming so well known for and stop denying the obvious.  I have fallen off the wagon.  I’ve lost my mojo.  I screwed the pooch.  I am struggling to get back into the swing of things.  I had a rough week at work a few weeks ago and have struggled to get back into the habit of exercise and eating right. 

I’d like to establish something.  I am a former smoker (courtesy of acupuncture).  This is the first time that I’ve ever had to lose weight without smoking.  But at 38 years old, I can’t corrupt my body like I used to.  Nothing would bring me more delight than to suckle on the end of a Salem light without any consequences.  Hand delivered by a unicorn surrounded by fairies – a testament to how realistic smoking without consequences is. 

My real problem is lack of energy and time management.  This is totally my fault.  It is also my personality.  I am my own worst enemy in this aspect.  So how do I overcome me?  Hypnotism!  Okay, maybe being hypnotized is a little extreme.  Besides, I’ve always been afraid of being hypnotized ever since I read about a lady that was hypnotized by a perv who taught her to take off her clothes every time a bell rang.  Wouldn’t that just be wonderful when I’m walking down the street and my phone rings?  Or my workout timer goes off?  “Ahhhh, that big girl is getting naked!  Again!”  My neighbors are total prudes.  I can’t take that chance.  Next.

I feel plenty motivated to lose weight.  I want all the good things that come with a smaller body:  cute clothes, non-jiggling buns (make that a non-jiggling anything), approaching a booth at a restaurant without wondering if me and my chest are going to fit into it, wondering how low my car sinks when I get into it, and not having to lie to people that I’m suffering an asthma attack when I hit the third floor on the steps at work (note:  I do not have asthma, I just lie about it so people feel sorry for me). 

I need to get in the zone.  Surround myself with nothing but good health and nutrition.  It’s the same as Jennifer Aniston surrounding herself with a team to keep her beautiful because that’s her livelihood.  So I’m going to need a stylist, chef, personal trainer, my own Botox injection team and a second job, and a third job.  Jennifer surrounds herself with a TEAM to make her stunning.  I need to surround myself with a TEAM to make me healthier.  So far I have a nutritionist, my friend Kim at work (in the dictionary under health nut, it says to see her), people who are following this blog, my doctors, and, most importantly, the hubs.  In fact, just by writing this post, I’m starting to feel in the zone already.  As soon as I’m done, I’m going to go grab some dumbells and pump some iron, all five pounds of it (suck it Rocky).  Because a little something is better than nothing. 

Maybe I can keep this newfound momentum going.  It’s like one of my favorite movies “What About Bob”…baby steps Bob…baby steps to the elevator, baby steps on the bus, baby steps to saying no to McDonald’s, baby steps to stopping at 10 potato chips…baby steps.  This blog is already serving its purpose, i.e. to keep me honest, to record all my ups and downs, to be honest about what a yo-yo dieter goes through and to be the kick in the ass that I desperately need to get back on track when I’ve hit the wall.

So about getting into the zone?  Any suggestions? 

 

One thought on “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt

  1. Great post, I do love your honesty 🙂

    I don’t have any great tips for getting into the zone, but one that works for me is weighing myself regularly. I do it about twice a week, always in the morning before I’ve eaten and after using the loo to keep it as accurate as possible. If I’m not getting the results I want it gives me real motivation to turn down snacks and make better food choices.

    Maybe that helps, maybe it doesn’t, but it does help motivate me 🙂

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