Tales of a disruptive sneezer

I have allergies. I’m allergic to mold. That’s it -according to a nurse who poked me with 800 different allergens. This is why I’m confused as to why I sneeze no less than 60 times a day, every day. It’s annoying.

When I sneeze, I’m not one of those feminine sneezers. You know the kind that quietly squeak out a tiny ah-choo when they sneeze? Are you freaking kidding me with that? I’m more of a blowing papers off my desk kind of sneezer. And my sneeze always spews forth plenty of saliva. Then I follow up with the nose blowing of all nose blowing. I wake babies up, rattle glass in a window pane, stop a circus act dead in its tracks with my sneeze/kleenex follow up routine. In short, it’s a spectacle.

I’ve tried to be more ladylike but I have found that trying to harness the sneeze beast can result in burping, a coughing fit, wetting my pants or the dreaded pffft out the back end.  So when I sneeze, I make sure to get it all out via sneeze. Every few days, I get that wonderful no it isn’t boogers, my nose is peeling look. And then I have to smear Vaseline, medicated Chapstick or my cherry lip gloss on my nose to soothe the 3rd degree tissue burns.

Oh won’t it be nice when the NyQuil people make a medicine for me? Try our sniffling, sneezing, scare your neighbor nose blowing, wetting your pants, trying not to fart at work allergy medicine.

2 thoughts on “Tales of a disruptive sneezer

  1. I can’t believe that you are only allergic to mold!! I’m allergic to almost everything. It sucks. I’m seriously considering purchasing a bubble. Although an allergy mask is more cost effective, but then there’s petrifying the grandchildren….decisions decisions.
    Thank you for your insight! Love ya!

  2. I feel so sorry for you! As far as I’m aware I’m not allergic to anything… unless you count the fact that whenever I eat carbs/starchy foods too quickly I ALWAYS – without fail – sneeze once!! It’s CRAZY! I hate having a cold and you seem to have a cold complex! (seriously) my heart goes out to YOU! Make your dreams of finding a cure be fruitful 🙂 lots of love x

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