This week I didn’t cold cock a lady with her own cell phone.

I’m walking up to the pharmacy pick up window when some skinny minnie, bat out of hell jumps into line in front of me. She was dressed head to toe in Under Armour attire with her cell glued to her face so naturally that meant her time was more important than mine.

She rattles off her name at the counter and then continues on with her phone conversation.  The pharmacy tech is trying to get this woman’s attention and the lady waves her off with her hand. The employee finally says she can’t proceed without cell phone Sally answering her questions and Sally says “look I’m in a hurry, what do you want?” I finally say “I’m in a hurry too, someone line jumped me and didn’t get a chance to read the NO FREAKING CELL PHONE SIGNS AT THE PHARMACY COUNTER!”

Sally looks at me with a “I saw the sign but didn’t think that meant me look” and sprints off. Listen, I worked retail for awhile and now that I don’t,  I do not have to dinkle around with the cell phone Sallys of this world. And I find it quite liberating. I am proud of the restraint I showed because what Sally really deserved was me dragging her over to the salad bar and giving her a swirly, potato salad dunk tank style.

And kick 2, 3…

The hubs and I are taking an aerobics class. I am thrilled! He is not. I feel this class does 2 things: it gets us out of the house and it gives me an excuse 2 nights a week to do nothing at home – mainly because I can’t move my body afterwards.

Our instructor is the quintessential aerobics instructor. She bounces around with endless energy and catapults into the air just to do a simple foot change. She’s also very nice and doesn’t call you out for disrupting the class when you march the wrong way, etc. I really like this class. It’s so easy for me to come home, ass cheeks hit the couch and end of story.

After our first class I say to the hubs , “That was awesome!  We should take a class every night!” The hubs said “Are you on crack? We nearly died in there.” I scoffed. However, at 3am, when the dog pressed his cold snout against my face, signaling his desire to pee or chase a leaf that looked suspicious, I found myself barely able to walk. And the day after that, aye carumba (Latin for shit, everything hurts). I dropped something on the floor and tears came to my eyes at the thought of picking it up.

I did encounter muscle spasms and body cramps during class. I have issues with keeping my potassium up…another reason why I should eat vegetables. So I’m hitting the green juice pretty hard lately for a speed injection of potassium. 

That’s it for now…4 more, 3 more….