Day 31 – Whole 30: Whoomp!  There it is! 

I did it! I ate clean, healthy, homecooked fully compliant Whole 30 foods for 30 days. I freaking did it! I never believed that I could do it. And that means that today, I was allowed to weigh in. 

And…drumroll…I lost 20 pounds. In 30 days. Holy crapballs Batman! I also just took a bite of chocolate and it tastes not good. 

Let’s be frank and talk about how different I feel than 31 days ago. My clothes are bigger. In fact, I had to dig out smaller clothes because my butt was hanging down past my knees. And the penguin look is so 1988. 

My hair stopped falling out, my skin looks better, my cankles disappeared, my blood pressure dropped 30 points, sugar cravings disappeared and I no longer desire potato chips. And let me tell ya people, I used to Hoover potato chips like a mofo. 

Honestly, I feel effing amazing. The only issue I’ve had is with digestion. It’s getting better. It was pretty bad there for a week solid but my body has just undergone a huge change.  My system has been subjected to an entirely new frenzy of ingredients.  It’s learning what to do with carrot infused marinara sauce as opposed to that not so secret sauce from a Big Mac. 

My diet buddy S also feels amazing. We are going to a slightly modified Whole 30 (meh, more Paleo than Whole 30) from now until the new year. Then January 2, we’ll start a new round. 

I NEVER, EVER want to eat like I did before. I want to keep this new me.  Because I’m worth it.  And because I feel so freaking amazing!  

Day 27 – Whole 30: Hangin’ Tough

I like this diet. I said it. I’ve proved that I can stay on a strict, simple, no frills diet for this long. And you know what? I’m in no rush to stop it. Tuesday is Day 30 and it means little to me. On Day 31, I can weigh in and as much as I’d like to see if I’ve lost weight, this has become more than the scale. 

It’s become more than using strips of bacon to wipe away my tears because I’m hungry. It’s more than standing in front of the hubs, glaring at him, telling him he eats candy just to hurt me. And it’s so much more than looking at olive oil and hating it because it’s not butter. 

It’s about this: giving my gut a rest from junk, withholding my paycheck from McDonald’s, cooking myself fresh foods for a month, and, most importantly, making myself a priority.  

S and I are planning on our next Whole 30. And we plan to at least follow this plan loosely through the holidays. 

Don’t get me wrong. As much as I’ve raved about this diet, I’m dying for a bite of cheese. Now excuse me, I have to go bust open some eggs. 

Day 24 – Whole 30:  I’ve got this!  

I’m in the home stretch baby cakes!  Six days left to go. These past 5 days have been rough, ahem, digestively.  I knew it would hit me. When you eat garbage every day for months at a stretch and then jump into healthy eating, your body starts releasing all that pent up junk. And as soon as it releases it, your gut wants it out of there. And there she blows matey. 

I was so sick on Monday that I couldn’t go to work. Because, frankly, no one wants to walk up to their boss and say, “hey, I just sneezed so I have to go home and change my pants.”  I say this not to discourage anyone.  This has been worth it. I’m seeing real change. Today, several people asked me if I was losing weight. I say it to tell you to take this into consideration. 

My buddy S told me that she has lost her desire to drink pop and eat chocolate. And she also received some great health news as well! 

My sugar cravings have also started to subside. And they were bad. I was so stressed and uber bitchy from sugar withdrawal that I caught the hubs in a corner of the kitchen eating chips because he was afraid I’d junk punch him. But I’ve got this. I’m not afraid. I did have a Day 31 celebratory gorge fest planned but now I don’t care to eat any of that junk. 

Not that I’m not (double negative, you’re welcome) looking forward to eating nachos someday but I’m going to be looking for veggie loaded nacho recipes. 

Gotta go.  My baby carrots need this mama! 

Day 20 – Whole 30: Are we there yet?

I’m dying for a piece of bread. I told the hubs that I can’t do this anymore and he talked me off the ledge.  I cannot believe how much I am controlled by my cravings. 

You know those packages of food that have a list of 20+ ingredients that you can’t pronounce? Those are made in a lab. Their use has two purposes: they’re cheap and they get you addicted. And I lived on that crap. 

Food is an industry. I remember our neighborhood grocery store when I was a kid. Just a small little store. Maybe 2 or 3 aisles of boxed/canned foods. A huge section for produce and the meat aisle ran the length of the store. My point? The bulk of that building was devoted to pure foods. Nowadays, you have aisle after aisle of convenience foods. 

This has been my experience so far:

  • My complexion looks better
  • My blood pressure has dropped
  • I have more energy
  • I’m sleeping better
  • I fit into a pair of jeans that I haven’t been able to wear in a very long time. 
  • (Now to be a downer) my digestion is still a mess
  • None of the sinus issues I have that I was told were tied to sugar have gone away
  • I can’t keep up with housework because I’m constantly washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen.  
  • I am having cravings for pizza and chocolate like a mofo
  • I still have 10 more days

Look, I know I sound like that fat kid from Harry Potter, bitching and moaning about everything.  But this is tough. It’s been a complete lifestyle change. I have 10 days left. I’ll make the most of it. In the meantime, I’ll just keep rubbing candy bars on my face in the checkout line. 

Day 18 – Whole 30:  Sugar and cocaine

I recently read an article that said sugar impacts your brain in the same way that cocaine does and is just as addictive.  I believe it.  I have had fits of sugar cravings. Picture a grown ass woman curled up in the fetal position because everyone else gets to eat candy and she can’t.  It’s kind of a daily occurrence.  

In further news, S has been struggling with chocolate cravings. Today she confided her desperate struggle to me. Total role reversal.  I became the one telling her to get it together.  I’m pretty sure she flipped me off. Now don’t think I wasn’t tempted to tell her to blow it because that meant I could blow this off too and eat everything I could get my hands on. But she stayed strong and guaranteed me that she’s going to hang in there. 

I have noticed that I am sleeping better.  And we’re saving money from not eating out. And… the hubs said he is loving all this home cooking. I also feel like I have more energy in the evenings. In fact, I exercised last night because I couldn’t sit still. Both my dogs paced as if they were witnessing some strange phenomenon in which the treat lady finally pried her butt cheeks from the couch. 

Gotta go. Eat more celery.