On the road, again

Tomorrow I start yet another diet. I’m starting with small goals. Drink lots of water, eat all my veggies, daily exercise, and don’t eat a skinny person if I become totally desperate for a snack.

It sounds so simple when I lay it out like that. And it could be, if only I didn’t push my goals out of my mind all in the name of chips and caramel saturated anything.

Getting healthy will be number one goal for a very long time. It will be my focus, my obsession and my caramel;)  I’m nearing 40. No more games. No more if only I could fit in that moments. 

Tonight I watched an interview with Amy van Dyken. She’s an Olympic athlete who has recently been paralyzed due to an auto accident. She works her ass off trying to regain her ability to walk. She believes she will walk again, she WANTS to walk again. So as I sit here on my ass, with my two good legs sitting idle, I will let the tears of Amy van Dyken guilt trip me into getting my dimpled ass cheeks on a regimen.

What’s your 2015 fitness regimen look like?

Where I’m at this week

So I confessed last week to struggling with this whole losing weight and getting my act together issue.  It hasn’t gotten any easier.  The reason that I started this blog in the first place was to have an online journal for myself.  A place where I could be honest and forthright in the struggle of turning my life around.  (Hey, maybe our political leaders should have a blog so they can be forthright and honest…p’shaw).  Being healthy after years of not being healthy doesn’t just happen with the flick of a switch.  It is a complete lifestyle overhaul, which is putting it lightly when you’re trading in potato chips for kale chips.  I have to now think out planning meals, have healthy snacks on hand when the hormones exercise their schizophrenic tendencies, constantly talk myself into (and out of, and into and out of, and into…) working out, arrange time to work out…it takes over your life.  But…so does being a food addict. 

Living in the U.S. means that we are surrounded by food.  We are taught that good times happen around food, the way to a man’s heart is food, hell, we even have TV channels devoted to food.  There is an entire economy built around food and us porking out on it.  Food is big business.  This was never more apparent than when companies in my town were slashing jobs, people were losing their homes by the boatload but by golly, every restaurant in town had a full parking lot at night.

I’ve made improvements since I started this blog.  I eat vegetable based meals (not every meal but more now than I was before).  I exercise…somewhat. 

I need a drill sergeant

My real problem is that I lack discipline.  And that I am my own worst enemy.  I can play head games with myself that would make a member of a terrorist cell go sane.  I don’t believe in the whole “I don’t have time” excuse and frankly, I do my best to avoid it and I try to avoid others that use it too.  I do have time.  I have time to write blog posts, check Facebook, watch TV, talk myself out of exercise, check Facebook again, shop…all activities that could and should be sacrificed in the name of getting my cheeks off the couch.  So why do I avoid discipline?   I truly have no idea. 

I had a great session with my nutritionist yesterday.  Kerry is becoming such an important mentor to me.  Yesterday, she presented me with an amazing journal.  It has a daily page for “Morning Intentions” , followed by a page for “Evening Reflections”. There are things listed such as massage, visualization exercises, meditation…I feel my inner hippie coming out in this journal (hold the doobies).  As soon as I got home, I went through this journal and usually when I think of my nutritional journey, I get all hunched up and stressed.  This journal took all of that away!  I really believe it is exactly what I need.  (I’d post a picture but I’m the world’s worst picture taker so I’ll direct any questions to my wonderful nutritionist Kerry at Meaningful Wellness.)

So – what does an overweight girl with no discipline and a knack for laziness do to get in shape?  I don’t like to run so dangling a donut in front of me while running won’t work.  But KISS will!  No this is not a salute to Gene Simmons and his horrible music (sorry KISS fans but they suck).  Keep It Simple Stupid – KISS.  

I  have my goals, short, sweet, simple goals. 

1.  Drink 12 ozs of water first thing in the morning (I thought I could absorb this while showering but that was shot down so I guess I’ll just drink the damn water)

2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep a night (I’ve had sleeping issues for years)

3. Drink plenty of water (my doctor says instead of trying to count ounces, just drink until your pee is clear because that’s the whole point of drinking water – flushing your body of toxins)

4. Exercise every single day (can be as little as 15 minutes, but must do something)

5. Pack my lunch 

6.  Cook majority of meals at home

Doesn’t seem like much but these six items are going to rock my world.  I have additional goals and I’m going to write them all up and hang them around the house to keep myself in line. 

Tell me my little blog minions…how do YOU maintain discipline and stay on track?

 

 

 

Dr. M and the six month checkup

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This past week I had to check in with my cardiologist.  Last summer, I checked in for sinus surgery only to find that my blood pressure was 263/195, so up I went to ICU for a week.  Apparently, I have some kind of issue where my body is resistant to efforts to restrain my blood pressure and then proceeds to hike my blood pressure up even more.  There’s a big long story behind it which I don’t feel like sharing so back to checking in with the cardiologist…

My cardiologist, Dr. M, is a pretty awesome dude.  He’s very energetic, positive and sticks to the point.  Dr. M really won me over at “contrary to what you hear about the medical profession, my goal is to never see you again.  You seem like a nice person but I really want to get you off the meds and never need to see you in a medical situation again.  I want you to get things under control.”  When I left his office six months ago, I had a plan.  I was going to exercise, eat right and blow him away with a 50 pound weight loss in six months.  Fast forward to last week…I gained 26 pounds.  From the second that my hyper little nurse said “step on the scale”, I knew it was all downhill from there.  I was fuming.  I believe my exact words were “damn shoes, of course I’d wear the heavy ones today.”  She didn’t even acknowledge me speaking.  By the time Dr. M came in, I started in with the whole I’m exercising, I’ve made big changes and yet I gained weight.  He asked how my eating was and I admitted that I don’t eat the greatest but I’m exercising, doesn’t that count?  He said that yes, the exercise is probably what kept me from gaining more than 26 pounds.  I told him about trying Paleo, going gluten free, etc.  Dr. M looked around and said “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with those plans but it’s really about burning more calories than you’re taking in. Do you understand that?  You can try anything that you want, but you have got to understand, you have to burn more calories than you eat. That’s it.”  He gave me my paperwork and I asked when he needed to see me again and he said “I don’t.  There’s nothing else I can do.” 

Do you understand what that means?  He’s given up on me.  This wonderful doctor who saved my life in September 2013 has done all he can.  I get it though.  His practice is full of patients who swear they listen to him and yet he obviously can see that they’re not.  How could I even defend myself against being bigger than I was 6 months ago AND my blood pressure elevating again?  I couldn’t.  I had failed.  Dr. M is very passionate about being a cardiologist.  Six months ago, he sat with me and explained all about a healthy heart and what we, yes – he said we, need to do to have a healthy heart.  I was stoked at that appointment and he was stoked that I was stoked.  Then I walked out of there and blew it all off. 

I wanted to run back into his office and beg him to see me in six months, that this time I would have lost weight but why should he believe me?  Between me and Dr. M, he had made a bigger effort than I had.  I was disgusted.  Not at my weight but that I had burst his balloon.  Now I’ll just be another patient to him.  I won’t be his success story.  But stop! Collaborate and listen!  (Couldn’t resist.)  I can be his success story.

I emailed my nutritionist and told her what happened and how upset I was.  I let it all out to her.  She emailed me back and gave me a huge pep talk and chewed me out, both of which I needed.  I woke up the next day at 5:30am and did yoga.  I meditated and decided no more promises six months into the future.  I will focus on today.  One day at a time.  And you know what?  I’ve lost 7 pounds since that appointment but besides that, I’m tracking my food intake and focusing on what I’m putting in my body.  I’m going to hang in there and keep trying.  And someday, I’m going to show up at Dr. M’s office as a success story.  I just know it.